Passion, Love, and Theology

Striving for Peace

2008-02-14T15:49:00.001-08:00

I am aware of the need for reconciliation. When are told in Scripture to reconcile with each other. What does that mean? Does that mean saying “you’re sorry” (assuming we really meant it) and then the case is closed? I have come to realize the answer is never that clear. Reconciliation requires more effort than I think we are willing to admit. Forgiveness is not easy. As the saying goes “to forgive is to forget.” This statement is uncategorically wrong! While I admit that forgiving is in a sense moving on, the statement is wrong because “forgetting” does not always mean we have dealt with the problem. In most cases forgetting means to cover up. When we do this, we live with a virus inside of us that in time will try to destroy us. Forgiveness means coming face to face with the pain. Sometimes it is looking into the eyes of the person who has wrong you and telling them of the pain. Telling them of the betrayal, telling them of the lose of trust. It is only when we come face to face with the issue(s) will we be able to forgive. I am not saying that we have to do this with every offense. I think it becomes necessary when for instance , when you are around the person(s), your blood boils. When you look at them with contempt and frustration, it is time to talk!

Forgiveness stinks because it forces us to come face to face with the problem. In some cases we may seem as though we are being hurt all over again. For instance, to forgive a rapist is to come face to face with the lose of something pure, the theft of innocence. In an unfortunate situation such as this is Jesus’ opportunity to come and bring healing. You see when we are called to forgive, it is an opportunity to come face to face with Jesus. To look into his eyes and pour out our heart. Be it tears, shouting, anger, whatever it may be, it is the chance to hear him say “give it to me!”I do not want to give it to him, because my flesh wants to be angry. It wants justice! It wants the person(s) to experience the same pain if not more pain because of the sin infected on me. How twisted is this thought? Jesus does not give us our dues! Mercifully, he forgives! Jesus is the perfect example of forgiveness. He forgave the people who were killing him! What a thought, to look into the eyes of the offender, even during and say I forgive you! In a selfish moment, you get to experience (in some degree) what Jesus did! You get to experience another type of love, a love that is rarely seen in the church. A love that is truly unconditional. May it be so!

Thoughts?

Next Year

2008-02-13T19:31:00.000-08:00

I haven't a clue what I am doing next year.
Options:
1. New Zealand (been offered a place to stay and a church to work at)
2. Masters in Counseling (which means I would have two Masters degrees)
3. Church Plant
4. London
5. Teach English in Korea or Japan
6. Spend a year at a monastery

I love New England but I can’t stand being around most of the people near me. Apparently they don’t like being around me either, so that makes two of us. Sometimes I want to snap my fingers and go back in time and never have applied to this school! I am tired of being around passionless people (Thank goodness for the Korean Students, their prayers probably keep this place from being a cesspool of Evangelical bigotry) I am tired of being around fake people. Seminary is worse than the world! Most people seem to have a chip on their shoulders. (For anyone who is Seminary, you probably can stop reading because I have probably already ticked you off) After two years in Seminary (Cemetery) my soul longs to be in a place in which I don’t hate being a part of. I hate the fact that I regret coming here. I sound so pessimistic. I was warned coming here. I have no excuse! I signed up for this.

God show yourself! Bring revival to this campus! May I be a light (God, you might want to use someone else in this respect). Seminary has been one of the most challenging times in my life. Since coming here I have started to take psychotropic medications. Not blaming Seminary for that one but just stating a fact.

I sometimes hate being an Evangelical. I hate the label. I hate the baggage with it!

Forgive the rant!

Upcoming projects

2008-02-05T13:35:00.000-08:00

Whenever I get the time, these are two topics I want to write on

Sovereign Grace Ministries: A Critique
Given the growing popularity of this group of churches, a critique is needed. Does SGM stress grace or is it as I will argue, a legalistic grace?

Marriage: An Unrealized Divorce
Why is it that when people get married, they seem to divorce their friends and family. Why is it that as soon as you get married we shut out all those who have helped us get where we are? Furthermore, I will argue that couples who continue to involve friends and family in their marriage are more likely to stay married. I see that within the church we divided into: the married and the unmarried. I don’t think Paul would have ever made that distinction.

Do Charismatics have better sex lives?

2008-01-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

Before you laugh, I am actually serious. To my knowledge this has not been researched. Perhaps not, but I think it could make for a great study. Comparing the sex lives of various Christians might provide valuable insight. Does our pleasure in God, our enjoyment in God and the excitement in our worship of him, continue over into the bedroom? Yes, I know this seems comical but you know there might actually be something to it. If anyone wants to take the survey let me know!

Men and Makeup

2008-01-26T18:22:00.000-08:00

Is it ok for men to wear makeup?

I say yes! But then again I am vain :-)

Thoughts?

Books

2008-01-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

These are two of the most influential books I have ever come across. If you want to understand what makes me tick, read them!

The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom by Henri Nouwen
This is a QUICK read by will impact your life forever!

Pleasures Evermore by Sam Storms
It is about Christian Hedonism, what else do I need to say!

Fear of Love, part II

2008-01-25T05:14:00.000-08:00

I am a Christian Hedonist. I am forever indebted to John Piper, Sam Storms for their works in which they have wonderfully proclaimed this biblical truth. What I write on this matter is based upon their work. Furthermore, I am also indebted to Kendrick Vinar for first explaining this live changing truth to me.

Christian Hedonism is a difficult concept to say the least. Its premises force you to acknowledge that God burns with passion for you. Yes, you! Even in your sinfulness, God burns with passion for you. That has been difficult for me to except. I mentally understand that God loves me but my heart is miles away. Christian Hedonism challenges my heart to know that God understands my need for passion and desire. Christian Hedonism teaches that my heart can be truly satisfied by finding satisfaction in God. I mentally assent to that fact but my heart is not convinced that God presents me with a better option than sexual sin, greed, lust, or pride. You see it is pride that keeps me from the heart of the Father. My pride says that my desires can not be satisfied in the Father, only its desires can find me satisfaction. Pride says God knows nothing about desire. At the end of the day, pride always gets me to the same spot, away from God. You think I would have learned my lesson. Think where pride has gotten me every time. It has left me heart broken, it has hurt others, it has left me empty. I love sports so the way I look at it, pride has me down 0-1,000,000,000. Pride makes me lose every time! A good coach, such as Jesus knows how to turn his team around! Pride never wins, it thinks it does, but it does not! Jesus always wins! Jesus always hits the half court shot with .4 seconds left, every time!

Think about this. Lets say you are the kid who makes a shot like that. Your parents are in the stands. Can you imagine how proud your father and mother would be! The father will probably say something to the effect of "that's MY boy!" God feels that way about me and you. He says "that is my boy," "that is my girl!" Every time he looks at us, he says that. God is so proud of us. He burns with passion for us. He is jealous for us!

Fear teaches us to be suspect of love. It says "you can't trust love." It says "be safe, keep others at bay." Jesus never called us to safety but to love and more importantly to know his love for us!

More to come!

Fear of Love

2008-01-24T05:56:00.001-08:00

Why are we afraid of love? Moreover, why are we fearful of letting others love us? In my heart I know these two things to be true. Not only am I afraid of love hear on earth, I sadly am fearful of God's love, but why? God offers me everything, I offer nothing. I suppose in my mind I see love as based on my efforts and no one elses. I refuse God's love because I am prideful. I tell him I need to prove my love to him. I tell him I need to prove to others that I love them. I am not saying that loving others is not important, this is something I hold dear. What I am saying is that in order for me to feel love, I have to prove it to someone else.

I offer nothing but my brokenness to others. They in turn offer nothing to me but their brokenness, which I accept. However, I do not let them accept my love. I "expect" them too but I won't them "accept" it. Who but a sinful human would think such a thing? Permit me to use the analogy of a dog. A dog loves his owner regardless of what is going on in his owners life. A dog does not care what job his owner has. The dog does not care what his owner looks like. The dog knows that it is a dog and does not try to become a cat. The dog comes to the owner as a dog, nothing more, nothing less. The dog comes to the owner when its dirty, when its just chased off another dog, or when its sick. The dog relishes in being a dog, the dog does not try to change who it is. Humans try to change themselves to get others to love them, tis sad. Now the dog does wants to please its owner but the dog does it because it feels loved. See we as human should only want to please God only because we know that we are loved by him.

More to come!

God doesn't need us

2008-01-23T06:55:00.001-08:00

It seems that we approach God as if he needed us. What pride! Who but humans (well maybe cats) would think God would need them? I offer nothing, I have nothing to offer. I offer my sin, I offer the nails with which Jesus paid for my sin. Doesn't sound like a bargain for God, does it? It seems that we get the better deal!

In light of our call to spread the gospel, it seems that we think that God needs us. God doesn't need us, he uses us, there is a big difference. I sometimes wonder how often when we are spreading the gospel, do we do it to prove to ourselves that God needs us? My charge is this: Why do we spread the gospel? Do we do it because we know that we are loved by God and that we want others to experience that love or do we do it because, "well if we don't do it, who will?" I am not trying to downplay the way in which God uses us to bring others to himself. My points is that God doesn't need us, we are replaceable.

I am replaceable! My talents and abilities do not make me irreplaceable! There are others that are much better at counseling than I am. There are people who are better at planning events than am I. So why do I bother? I bother, because there is a passion in me that must be released. It is a passion that says "I am loved, I know that there is something better for you than what you have now! Let me introduce you" Many times that is what God has us do. Often, he uses us to introduce himself to others, and that is all he is requiring from us. However, a lot of times we try and/or feel that if we don't "convince" the person, then they can never come to God. There is only this one shot, and "I" better not blow. What pride!! Thank goodness God doesn't work that way. Someones salvation is NOT dependent on me! I am called to love them, not to be there God!

The journey of a future Sex Therapist.

2008-01-22T12:06:00.000-08:00

In the Name of the Father, the Son, and in the Power of the Holy Spirit. Amen

My life will be dedicated to proclaiming the glory of sex. Yes, I said sex. I shall devote my life to reclaiming the beauty of sex from some rampant right wing Christians who think sex is only for procreation and not to be enjoyed. I shall also endeavor to reclaim and to reformulate the understanding of sex as a casual experience without love required.

The way I see it, there are two issues at hand. One, a “new” teaching on a biblical view of sex is needed. Second, the mechanics of sex and the importance of teaching others how to have a better sex life. A good sex therapist can handle both. He or She can give instruction on the beauty of sex while at the same time encouraging “more spiciness” in the a couple’s sex life. A good sex therapist gets their clients to become comfortable with sex. He or She gets them to try sex with the lights on, GOD FORBID!

Why is it that when the words “Penis, Vagina, Clitoris, Orgasm, or Ejaculation ” are said, many Christians blush. Since when did sex become the unpardonable sin! No wonder we have kids having sex before marriage, their parents are too afraid of talking to them. They are going to find out, and no matter of home schooling is going to prevent that! The question is, do you want to instruct your kids about sex and how great it is in its proper context or do you want their friends telling them the wrong things? The choice is yours and most Christians blow it! I think it is plain stupid to avoid discussing sex with your kids. I am sorry, pre-marriage counseling is NOT the first place someone should learn about the mechanics of sex. Oh, and the argument that talking about will encourage them to have sex is ludicrous, this is not 1955, get over yourself and talk to your kids!

You see, there is so much power in sex. Hence Paul’s saying get the heck away from it in an improper context. However, there is a flip side. Given its power, and PLEASURE, that is why Satan uses it to get people to fall. We have to realize that since Satan wants to pollute our understanding of sex, that God really has a purpose in it! A good sex therapist helps their clients harness the power of sex and embrace every pleasure it affords us.
If you are married, have fun with sex. If you are single, hold true to the fact that God will in due course answer those desires in you. Moreover, God is the greatest sex therapist that there is, he made sex, he knows more about mechanics than I ever will. My prayer is that God will ignite another Sexual Revolution in this country. A revolution in which we embrace sex as God’s way of saying, “See, I love you, look at what fun I let you have!” If you are married, go have more fun. If you are single, just wait your turn on the roller coaster will soon be upon you.

When I die

2008-01-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

Someone said to me today something to the effect of, "I am amazed at your ability to reach out to people and to care about them." People often comment on my ability to reach and to love others. To be honest, I don't understand it. I don't understand why man can love another. Wait, yes I do! In 1 John 4:19 says that I can only love because Jesus loves me. I never want to take credit for loving others. My flesh is prideful and seeks its own gain. It does not want to love. The flesh and love are polar opposites.

Being in North Carolina has helped to realize the importance of love. I have not necessarily gained an increased love for people but an increased realization of God's love for me. It is sad that I have to separate myself from seminary to be confronted with this truth. The past 3 semesters people have seen me angry. It is more than anger, it is outrage. I am angry at not only myself but at the Lord himself. I am angry at him because the place in which I had such high hopes have for the most part, fallen flat.

I have a hard time recommending seminary anymore. I have my feet in two worlds. One foot is in seminary, a place where I wanted to go in order to learn more about theology and to prepare for ministry. Instead I do not feel anymore prepared than when I went to my first class in Sept 2006. My other foot is in North Carolina. A place where I have lots of memories, a place where I know that I am loved but yet I knew God was calling me away from. At the moment I am torn. I am torn because part me of feels the Lord is calling me to stay at seminary for another year, something I really do not want to do. The other part of me feels that I am needed at home church. I want to be where God wants me.

A line that you will hear me say more often that not is "When I die, if the only thing people can say about me is that, Well I knew he loved, then I will consider my life a success." This is what drives me, that is my passion. I have a passion for people. The Lord has blessed me with giftings, gifts that are not my own, but his, gifts to bless and serve the church with. I too often throw my gifts back in the face of the Lord and exclaim to him "Why me!" "Why are you using me?" It is this mindset in which Satan beats me every time. Theologically I know that I can never be good enough to serve the Lord. It is through his abundant grace that I am able to serve him.

I have resolved to not let others opinions affect me they way they have in the past, especially this past year. I place a stake in the ground, and I reject, I reject those who seek to tell me things in contra to the promises of God. I know that I am called, first and foremost as his child and secondly, I am called to teach, preach and most importantly to counsel. I can no longer reject the will of God in my life. I will no longer let others words stand in place of God's word to me! I forgive those leaders, who instead of seeing me through the eyes of the Father, choose to see me through their own prejudices.

I choose to be a voice for people who for years have been hurt by the church. I choose to say, no, my faith, my Lord will not be stolen from me. I refuse to buy into this notion of modern American Evangelical Christianity. This "faith" that teaches that being pro-life is a lynch pin for being a good Christian. Who died and made you God! I reject a faith that would prefer to preach about abortion instead of getting out of their pews and going and offering assistance and hope to unwed mothers. Yes, I know that some churches do help but if abortion is such the evil as you say it is, then get off your butts and do something. We have had enough talk! DO SOMETHING!
I am sure some people think that I am angry at the church. No, I am angry at inaction. I am angry when I see people suffer. I am angry that Christianity has become something Jesus did not call his followers to be! I hope that through love, and only love, I am able to impact the world. I do not want my actions, unless they are done in love, to affect the world!

A rant

2008-01-18T07:24:00.000-08:00

How can Christians buy diamonds?

Yes, I know that seems hypocritical coming from the fashion guy himself but I am more interested to know how people who complain about fairness and the suffering of the poor but yet they buy diamonds. If one investigates how diamonds became popular, I don't think you would buy them. SAY NO TO DIAMONDS! SAY NO TO ENGAGEMENT RINGS!

My voice

2008-01-16T18:13:00.001-08:00

My voice is back! It is the voice that is inside of me, deep, deep down. It is the voice of passion, the voice of hope and the voice of the prophet. As for the prophetic voice, I mean my desire to preach and share what the Lord is speaking to me has returned. I know that I myself have nothing to offer, but for some strange reason God uses humans, and well I guess that means me. It has taken me a long to even come close to being comfortable with speaking things that I believe are from the Lord. Truth be told, I hope I never become comfortable because I always want to be relying on God's strength as I speak.

Someone, who I had never met called me David. She said "when I look at you I see David." That sank me! It sank me because I always saw myself as Johnathon. I like being the Johnathon in people's lives, I seem to be good at it. I feel that I am at my best when I am along side someone supporting and encouraging them.
Before I came to Seminary, I resolved to find out what it means to be like David. Well if she meant doing stupid stuff, then we have a winner. I joke but I think it is much more than that. Lucas once told me that "I have a heart of a King." At the time I thought I knew what he meant. For some reason, people seem to think I excel at putting myself on the line and being honest about what is going on in my life. Well at some degree I suppose that is true. I do not feel like I have much to offer the church except my story, my life, and to be as honest as I can. My problem as I call it sometime pollutes my image and it leads me to do stupid things. Even though I want Lucas and that woman to be wrong, my heart tells me that they are not. I want them to be wrong because I don't want to have to live up to the standard to which God has called me. (Yes we are all called to standards but I am referring to my specific callings on my life not a universal call to fight sin) To be honest, I am scared. I am scared because I don't know where this will take me. I want the corner office with my degrees on the wall, the patients who come in and I help them with their problems. Go to the church where I am on staff but preach like only once a month. This seems safe to me. God has not called me to safety, he has called me to lay down my life.
To be frank, to a degree part of the way I treat people is me trying to reject any call of God that I don't want. If people don't like me then OBVIOUSLY I am not called to ministry. I cringe at this thought, but I take my own advice, be honest.

I am glad my voice is back but it reminds that God is calling me to him and that scares me.

Dirty Pride

2008-01-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

I find that we talk much about pride but in actuality do little to root it out. I use myself as a prime example. For instance, I love good sermons but yet I find myself critiquing them to the most minute detail. I find myself saying I could do better than Him or Her. It is hard for me to acknowledge my gifts without promoting them. I endeavor to rail against the thoughts that want to take credit for my gifts. Whatever strengths I can offer the church are not my doing but Jesus’.

Pride is fun. Pride tells us that we can have what we want regardless of the consequences. I have been a Christian over 10 years and I feel that sometimes, actually most of the time, that I know no more about pride than when Jesus first revealed himself to me. One could say that I know less because as we become more knowledgeable about our faith, the ins and outs so to speak. We forget the basics that made us realize why we need salvation. Has our realization of sin perhaps become jaded?

I am frustrated, and most know that after talking to me 5 mintues. I do not seek to be frustrating for the sake of being frustrating. I am frustrated because I see in myself a lack of desire for change. I give lip service to wanting change, I say I want to be transformed. However, my pride tells me that I do not need to change, others do but not I.

The Lord has been making it clear that I need to focus on his love for me. By doing so, I will love others more. It is amazing that loving others can become prideful. Doesn’t that show us how wretched we are? Humans would try to pollute the one thing that is more important than anything else, love. My desire to love people has been polluted, I cannot help be to be angry at myself. Grace, grace, grace, how much I need it!

On this I Stand

2008-01-14T07:02:00.001-08:00

I cringe when I hear people say “you need to love God.” Not because I do not think we need to love God, but because I think we have lost an understanding of how we love God. My point is this: You cannot love God without knowing that you are loved by him. Let me say that again, we cannot begin to understand how to love God until we are convinced that he loves us. Most people know that I am a Christian Hedonist. I wear that banner with honor. Yes, we have to love God, we are commanded as such. However until we are blown away by his love for us, we will not understand why we are called to love. Moreover, as the good Calvinist that I am, we cannot love God on our own accord. I do not recall waking up one day and saying “Gee, I think I will love God.” God had to convince me of my need for him, my need of his love. God does not require my love. I am nothing. God, through Jesus proved his love to us. That is why we are to love him, because we are entranced so to speak by him, he draws us in and we fall more in love with him, day in and day out. With the importance of loving others is stressed in the Holy Scriptures, the whole sanctification process I believe is in due in part because we NEED to be convinced more each day that God loves us. This is the first lesson we are taught in Sunday School, Jesus loves us.

How often do we pray “God show me how to love you more” “Lord show me my need for your love.” While important, our prayers go something like this “God help me love others.” While yes we are called to love others, we cannot truly love apart from knowing that God loves us. Love, as in 1 Cor. 13 cannot talk place apart from a realization of God’s love for us. Some may perhaps say, well this is all well in good, but we still have to love people regardless of whether we trust in God’s love for us. This mindset shows that we are missing the point. Do not love and trust go together! By focusing on God’s love and being convinced of it, it becomes easier to love. As we see in 1 John 4:19, loving others is possible because of Jesus’ love for us!